Happiness Class #1: Why We Need It

You might need help finding your own happiness...I did!

Did you ever notice that there’s no class in study skills?

So much school depends on our ability to study…but they never teach you how to do it.

Happiness is like that.

So much depends on it:

• Your ability to bounce back when things are difficult

• Thriving in a tough work environment

• Raising happy kids

• Enjoying your day in the midst of global news

• Sometimes, just feeling like life is worth living…

Yet most of us get no formal training in how to be happy.

Sure, there’re mindfulness teachers, spiritual gurus, and a bazillion programs on how to improve your life.

But finding your own, unique happiness patterns…not much out there on that.

Yet, how important is it?

In this article

• Stop blaming yourself…

• Happiness isn’t Rest / Recovery

• What’s in Happiness Class

• For now, try this…

Turns out it’s easier for some people to find their own happiness. They naturally have a clearer relationship between:

1. What they’re interested in

2. What they’re good at

3. What creates their positive thoughts and feelings

But other people, through no fault of their own, are not designed to discover their happiness by themselves. Everybody needs help with something – that’s part of how human relationships glue a community together.

When you need help finding your happiness, and you live in a society that doesn’t meet that need…you can really struggle.

Even if you have food, shelter, and all your physical needs met.

Stop blaming yourself…

It’s easy to feel selfish or whiny or get stuck in an “other people have it so much worse than I do, so why am I struggling?” spiral.

Sometimes, it can feel like it’s hopeless…

I felt that way.

So I decided to do everything I could to learn about my own happiness and heal from 35 years of depression and anxiety.

And then I wrote on Substack about every other topic but that…

…until last week.

When I finally felt ready.

I don’t think we’re selfish or weak or whiny.

Having food, shelter, and other people is a great start (and things to be grateful for) but it isn’t enough. Humans have a whole mental and emotional life beyond just keeping our physical bodies going.

We’re designed to use our gifts and pursue our interests to create good feelings and thoughts for ourselves and our group…not fit ourselves into a job description and add a few hobbies – and call it good.

Because for a lot of us, it’s not.

I used to love putting together my thrift-store outfit.s But when I stopped tutoring, I went back to pajamas. My spirit team had to talk me into enjoying clothes again. (photo by my husband in Sacramento, CA)

Happiness isn’t Rest / Recovery

I think many people fall into the pattern of alternating between WORK and REST / RECOVERY.

1. You do your job to pay the bills.

2. Then you rest and recover by sleeping, eating, and maybe pursuing a few hobbies.

3. All so you can go back to work again.

(Check my article HERE on how we’re trained to do this by the “school to factory” system.)

What if instead of ping-ponging between work and rest, we identified activities that create our happiness and focused on those?

It doesn’t mean you’re not working.

But while you do, you focus as much as possible on actions and thoughts that help you feel good.

• Eat lunch with coworkers or by yourself?

• Want somebody else to make a plan because you just love following directions?

• Or do you want to be the head honcho of your own work day?

• Do you thrive on your boss’s “focus, people!” mindset or in your own chill bubble?

My husband once explained that he loves being my sous chef because he wants somebody else to make all the cooking decisions. He gets to chop vegetables and eat!

What’s in Happiness Class

In the coming weeks, we’ll be exploring different components of happiness and how to find yours.

We’ll take a look at common blocks and obstacles and how to overcome them.

This is work I do with clients. And now it’s coming to Substack!

I thought adding the black and grey flower to the outfit would be pointless…but it filled me with happiness.

For now, try this…

Ask yourself “What creates happiness for me?”

Not what you think is important, what feels satisfying like checking an item off your to-do list, or what seems to be working…we’ll get to all of those.

Today, just pinpoint activities that you would do for fun with even if nobody paid you and nobody noticed.

Get in touch with that inner well of “I’m really having a great time!”

Even if something is telling you it’s stupid or pointless or “you’ll never get paid for this” I promise you, it’s important!

See you next week for more!

My husband and his perpetual photographing. I can’t tell you how much happiness we’ve both gotten froml this over the years… (National Botanical Garden, Dublin, IRE)